Giant Sloth Invades NU

By GJ Gillespie

Kirkland authorities report that a large, slow moving South American marsupial known for hanging out all night foraging for food has recently been sighted on campus. This seemingly harmless beast should be approached with caution.

If bitten students may experience lethargy, shortness of breath when walking to chapel, inability to concentrate, disruption of social life, lack of self-esteem, depression and a progressive difficulty with waist management that can last for decades.

While dangling from trees constantly munching snacks, barely moving its body more than inches at a time, may be natural for the nocturnal three-toed sloth, such behavior for the college student can lead to life long health problems.

According to the National Center for Health Statistics 65% of Americans 18 years and older are overweight and 30% are obese. Being overweight is associated with diseases such as diabetes, hypertension, cancer and heart attacks and causes 300,000 deaths a year.

Scarier for college students is that a lack of exercise and poor eating habits slow the brains ability to process information.  That means that letting your self get out of shape devastates academic performance. 

You may think that a pattern of sleeping in, attending classes and club meetings all afternoon without taking time to workout or eat regular meals, then staying up until 3 AM cramming course material– along with bags of Doritos– and downing massive quantities of coke or coffee is the ideal study method. It isn't.

Saint Thomas Aquinas said that the antidote to the deadly sin of slothfulness is the virtue of diligence.

So this semester fight off your inner sloth. College is a time to expand your mind, not your pant size. You may be exposed to unlimited delicacies in the cafeteria all day long and your schedule is tight. But, with some planning you can eat right and choose to exercise daily. In the next 12 weeks make your goal to get into the best shape of your life.


My Sloth Defense Tips:
*Eat five small meals each day. Ive found that it is easy to add two more meals by fixing a protein shake at 10:30 AM and 3:30 PM. Satisfied by the shake, I am less likely to overeat at lunch or dinner.

*Eat breakfast. Eggbeaters and oatmeal is my choice.

*Drink a gallon of water a day. Simple when I space out four quart sized bottles.

*Run or walk. Move your body. A lap around the field near my home or walking down town with and back with my wife is a great workout.

*Go to the gym and learn how to transform your body by resistance training.  I do six times a week and love it.

*Be sure to sleep 7.5 to 8 hours each night. Lack of rest is associated with weight gain.

*Eat small portions. Try a fist sized amount of protein and an equal amount of carbs every meal. No seconds. I eat all the veggies that I want. Once my stomach shrank, I never feel hungry.

*Limit desserts to once a week.

*Keep a food journal. I do that whenever the scales are up. Works every time.

Check out the inspiration and easy instruction of the Body for Life program as taught by fitness expert Bill Phillips.